I have so many thoughts swirling around in my stuffed up little head. Where to start!
I follow several different blogs. I find great joy in going to each site and checking in. As nosey as this can be...I still find great joy in it. I love to see how different people live their lives. I pray for each of these families and think of them constantly. My heart goes out to several of them who are going through very difficult times. I am encouraged by their enormous amount of faith in God for strength, guidance and leadership. I am struck by the realization and understanding that my faith is not anywhere close to where it should be. I do not go straight to Jesus when I am going through a struggle. I do not turn straight to Him when I am hurt or confused. I know what I am supposed to do and what I should do as a Christian but for some reason, I tend to hold back. The part about this that strikes me the most is that some of the people in which I admire that do the things that I should are all going through very hard times. Either their children are ill, their pregnancies are not going well or they have lost a loved one. Here is what gets me....The faith that these particular people have is not just due to their circumstance. They have a genuine deep rooted love for Jesus. A personal relationship. Something I yearn for.
I love Jesus and I know He loves me. I know that He holds me in the palm of His hand and wants to protect me and care for me. For some reason...and I think I have an idea of what it is...I cannot break through all of my insecurities to get what God is trying to give me. The super frustrating part is that once again....my past is holding me back. I am so afraid of being let down or disappointing God that I tend to not invest what I should into that relationship. How stinking selfish is that! I am thinking about how I could get hurt and how I could be let down as opposed to the fact that I am hurting God and I am letting Him down.....which makes me start to think about why He would want me. Why would He want me when I do not give Him what He deserves? My answer to this.........because He can! because He wants to!
Anywho....I felt like I needed to write some of these thoughts out. To put my thoughts into a blog so that I can reflect apon it.
God, please help me to move past my past...to yearn for You more. I know you know my heart and take comfort in that!
Ok..time to wrap up...my mother in law is fussing for me to hand over the laptop.
Toodles for now!
***I think this post is pretty much all over the place and may not make much sense. So goes the life of me...Katriana!
1 day ago
2 comments:
Dear Katriana, thanks for your sincerity and humility. Believing God is such a tough, yet rewarding thing. I will certainly be praying for you and that the Lord will heal and free you from your past so you can eagerly hope in the future that He has for you. The Lord is really teaching me in this area of my life, too. I am a mess in the faith area!
Keep in mind that the Lord knows how very weak we are, all of the letters in the New Testament were written to believers who were struggling in some area of their walk, the letters were meant to encourage them in their faith.
I will be praying Ephesians 1:17-20 and 1 Peter 1:7-9 for you.
Tyne, how very sweet of you! Thank you so much for your prayers! You are one of the ones in which I spoke about...I envy your relationship with God! I adore how treasure your time with Him, how you rely Him and how you trust in Him. Thanks for being an encouragement!~~Kat
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